Category Archives: Relationship

Apologize

From the very first moment that I heard this song played on the radio I became speechless. The song has impacted me so much that I even thought of myself as selfish and self-centered. I know that I am not a perfect person and I may not always be right on decisions that I made in the past but I do think about the people that I may have wronged. If there is one thing that I could change about myself I would say that I wish I was wiser back then. If only I could relive my life I would’ve been more expressive and open about my feelings towards the people that I care. Is there such a thing as reading people’s mind? Will I ever know the logical reason why some friendships fall apart? I guess, everything happens for a reason. Ah, life is like a cryptic puzzle. The more I think about it, the more I become mystified by my own enigmatic life.

Btw, band’s name is OneRepublic (featuring Timbaland)

 

 

 

 

I Want To

I WANT TO LOVE

LIKE A FRESH BREWED ARABICA COFFEE

IN THE MORNING,

I WANT TO LOVE LIKE THE CHANGING

COLORS OF MAPLE LEAVES

IN AUTUMN SEASON,

I WANT TO LOVE LIKE RAIN

IN A HOT AND HUMID SUMMER NIGHT,

I WANT TO LOVE LIKE THE

COBALT SKY IN A LONELY

SPRING AIR,

I WANT TO LOVE LIKE THE HIGH

AND MIGHTY MOUNTAIN OF HIMALAYAS,

I WANT TO LOVE LIKE SMALL DROPLETS

OF SNOW FLAKES IN A COLD

WINTER MORNING,

ABOVE ALL ELSE, I WANT TO LOVE LIKE

NO ONE HAS EVER NEEDED ME BEFORE.

PURE AND SIMPLE,

I WANT TO LOVE LIKE A WOMAN

THAT I AM.

 **idotmatrix** 11/03/07

Nostalgia

I can no longer remember the first time I ever cried over a boy. It seems funny now to think about someone I was once familiar with yet I am aware  of the reality that he can never be mine. It may sound selfish and self-centered but I still want to feel the feelings of having a teenage love. As I try to look back and even if I try, I know deep in my heart that I can never turn back the clock nor remain in the past. Falling in love is not a strange occurence during my teenage years. I’ve had my share of happiness, tears and heartbreaks.

The harsh reality of teenage love began when I was in 6th grade. One of my bestfriends held the same infatuation for the boy that I liked. I was never aware of the pain that I will be going through. I think, I was just being naive and foolish back then. I knew from the start that it would take a hundred years for him to like me. But still, I’ve fantasized about me and him being in love. It’s silly because I never had the chance to tell him how I feel. I found out he likes my bestfriend. I don’t remember the kind of relationship they had but I woke up one day and learned that he left and moved to another city.

I remained friends with my bestfriend until high school. I left my hometown when I started college. From then on, everything seems blurry. I never had the chance again to see my bestfriend and the rest of my childhood friends. I guess, we just moved on with our lives and never look back. It’s quite painful to even think about the past. This is just me being emo. It’s quite nostalgic to remember what happened in the past.

If only I could turn back time, I would’ve written a diary of what was happening before me. I regret not having a journal. Ahhh, perhaps it is never too late to start keeping a journal?

Heck, I am just being stupid….

Bakit Single Status Mo?

Here’s another forwarded message I recently got from a stranger. I don’t know about you, but I can honestly relate with everything written here. Ok, let’s crack up…

11. Destiny Adik
Eto yung mga naghihintay kay “Destiny” na gumawa ng paraan para pagtagpuin sila ng kanilang mga “partner in life”.. ayannn… kakapanood nyo ng “Serendipity” eh feeling nyo ang nangyari sa movie eh mangyayari rin sa inyo… such a cliche.. hindi ba nyo alam na kung walang effort destiny is useless.

10. Perfectionist/ Mapili
Yes, isang taong perpeksiyonista. Yung tipong “dapat ganito ang magiging kapartner ko”. Pag may nakilala, nakita lang na pangit ang kuko o may dumi lang, turn-off na agad. O kaya ang daming ayaw. Ayaw sa mabait, boring daw, gusto bad boy/ pilya pero kapag pinaiyak ka tatanungin ka “bakit ang sama mo”, “bakit mo nagawa yun!”… Adik ka ba?!… Ayaw sa cute, ayaw din naman sa panget. Meron dyan gusto ka ayaw mo naman.. yung gusto mo halos magtambling ka pero deadma pa rin yang stunts mo sa kanya! Pasaway ka rin e! Ano ba talaga kuya?

9. Busy Busyhan
Opo, eto yung ang mundo e gumagalaw lang sa libro at ballpen kung estudyante ka o kaya naman sa computer at files kung office staff ka. Yung tipong aalis ng bahay ng alas 6 o alas 7 ng umaga at uuwi ng bahay ng 6 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi [baligtad naman para sa mga nag tratrabaho sa call center]. Sabay tulog na. Kapag sabado masaya na sila sa tv, sa pagkain na niluluto ni mama at sa linggo naman sisimba at maghahanda na ng kelangan para sa lunes hanggang byernes. Pssssst.. pause for a while naman!

8. Friendship Theory
Ano naman ito?… Eto yung ang buhay ay kay bestfriend o kaya kay special friend, na hindi masabi-sabi sa friendship nya sa loob ng kanilang mahabang panahon na pagsasama, dahil baka daw maapektuhan ang pakikipagkaibigan at iwasan sya. Yung tipong pag may kasama si friendship na iba, nagseselos na wala naman sa lugar, pero syempre wag pahalata, kunyari happy sya for friendship. ABA! Oi! Lakasan mo ang loob mo at baka mamaya forever mong pagsisihan yan, kaw rin!… Minsan pa naman pareho pala kayong naghihintayan. . hmmp!

7. Born-to-be-one (Autistic)
Eto yung nasa palad na ang pagiging single daw. Walang reasons. Basta lang nabuhay sya sa mundo na mag-isa at feeling nya mamamatay sya sa mundong mag-isa. Kesyo magmamadre o magpapari na lang… Asa kang tatanggapin ka pa noh!

6. Happy-go-lucky
Eto yung taong walang alam kundi kasiyahan at trippings. Kahit sino na lang basta no string attached. For fun lang daw… Walang halong seryosohan. ABA hoy! Yang init ng katawan mo e ikiskis mo na lang sa pader. Makakahanap ka rin ng katapat mo!!!

5. Wrong Place
May nakaranas na ba nito? Yung pakiramdam mo nasa ibang mundo ka. Yung ang nakakaharap mo e yung mga hindi mo gusto, yung mga hindi mo hinahanap. Alam mo yun? Halimbawa nasa ibang bansa ka, pero ang hinahanap mo e yung amoy ng nasa sariling bayan mo. O kaya naman e nasa sarili mong bayan ka, nasa normal na lipunan, pero ikaw ang abnormal at hindi mo kayang sabihin na abnormal din ang hanap mo kung ayaw mong ibitin ka nila ng patiwarik.

4. Wrong Time
Eto yung mga tao na sinasabi na “hindi pa ako ready e, bata pa kasi ako” o kaya naman “hindi pa ako handa sa panahong ito”, “wala pa ako kayang ipagmalaki”. Yes meron pong ganyan. Yung feeling nila may tamang panahon para sa love. Awwwwwww!… Aba kelan yun?!… Pag uugod-ugod ka na at yung time mo e bitin na? O baka naman pag pang-out of time ka na? Oist, sugod lang ng sugod!

3. Si Parents kasi…
Yes, factor din ang komyunidad na ginagalawan mo. Una, ayaw pa ni mader o pader na magkaron ka kahit 22 anyos ka na at kelangan umabot ka muna raw ng 40 bago magkaroon ng gf/bf. O kaya naman ikaw mismo! Takot sa sasabihin ni parents at ni kapitbahay na tsismosa sa magiging kasama mo. Aba ikaw na nga ba ang sabihan na “Alam mo hindi kayo bagay. Langit at lupa kayo.” Awwwww!… Payo ko sayo, “Pakialam nila diba?… Palibhasa inggit!”

2. Traumatic Experience
Eto kalimitan ang reason ng marami. “Ayaw kona!!! Takot na ako mangyari pa ang nangyari dati!”… O diba, ang drama ng layp?… Yes, tama ka. Eto yung dahil sa past relationship mo, e until now aayaw mo nang magkaroon at sinumpa mo na ata ang magmahal. Dahil sa pinagpalit ka sa mas pangit, o kaya naman iniwan ka ng walang word na bye-bye, o dahil binugbog ka!, anopa ba?… Madami yan wag na nating isa- isahin at baka tumulo si tears, heheh… Gayunpaman, eto lang masasabi ko mga hija at hijo… Ibat-iba ang lasa ng pag-ibig. May mapait, may mapakla, may matamis at may maasim. Aba, mapalad ka at natikman mo ang ibat- ibang lasa nito! Kaya ikaw, “Do not be afraid to fall in love again… malay mo, sweetiness na ang malasahan mo next time.! E di panalo ka sa lotto! Yan ang nagpapalakas sayo… Yan ang bumubuhay sayo… ang pag-ibig. Tsk! Drama!

1. EX to the Nth power
Oi, aminin!!! LOVE pa rin si Ex kahit 1 or 2 yrs na ang nakakalipas. May ganito naman. Yung tipong ilang taon na ang nakakalipas, hindi pa rin makalimutan si ex. Yung pinagsamahan, yung tawanan, yung iyakan, at lahat ng nangyari sa inyo nung kayo pa. Malungkot man at sa kung anumang kadahilanan, maganda man o masama ito, kelangan nyo ng magpaalam sa isa’t-isa… YES, after a year sasabihin natin, “I’m over him/her na.”, pero pag-usapan natin ang love at ang nangyari sa ating relastionship from the past, TADANNNNNNNNNNNNN, eto na, sya agad ang naalala mo. At habang nagkukwento ka OUCH! may kirot, o kaya may ngiti at may bumabagabag sa iyong kalooban. Ano kaya yun?!… AMININ mo na kasi, MAHAL mo pa siEX… Isa lang ang masasabi ko, well, mahirap sya kalimutan alam ko yan, pero open your heart and makipagdate ka, lumabas ka, at try to entertain someone. Wag mo ikumpara si ex sa iba. At give urself a KITKAT, take a break.

 

In love?

I’ve always considered dating as one of the hardest part in my life. Dating is still a mystery to me as I often wonder the difference between dating and being on a steady relationship with someone. Back in my teenage years (this may sound so ancient to me), I never thought about “dating” would make a huge impact in my life now that I am 30 years old. Having crushes with boys in my high school is a normal phase for a curious, childish, and happy-go-lucky person like me (that was then). I would have to admit that I had a few crushes during my high school years and although I don’t consider myself popular, I would still get love letters/love notes from my so-called “admirers”.

I never had a steady relationship while I was still in the Philippines. I guess I never thought about having a boyfriend because i would constantly hang out with my girlfriends. My Mom used to be so strict about her daughters meeting boys and now that I turned 30, it doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. It’s a good thing that my Mom no longer nag me about the opposite sex or whom I date but I usually get phone calls from her asking “when I am getting married”. Hah!

Seriously, it’s a baffling dilemma and my Mom’s not-so-sudden change of tactic is horrifying for me! I guess, it’s her way of saying, “now you’re an adult, go find yourself a fine husband, give me grandkids, and live happily”. Honestly, it never occured in my mind that someday my Mom would be so persistent and worried about me not getting married.

Yes, I think about the future but I don’t want to waste my time thinking about what might be or what might not happen in the future. I don’t even keep a certain time table for myself because I believe that when it happens, it happens. Someone will definitely cross my path and who knows….we might end up being together. That’s the spirit…:)