Category Archives: Humor

Random Thought 1-22-09

I noticed awhile ago while browsing through my blog that I have not been actually posting anything relevant to what is going on with my life or what not. I figured my blog has taken it’s “serious side” lately and I actually think it’s good (or not). I cannot think of anything to blog about and even if I might have any idea what to write I am not quite motivated enough to write anything. In short, I am just freaking  lazy these days. I am pretty sure I have mentioned enough about the weather already so yeah, that won’t do either.

If you are one of those who even bothered or cared about reading my profile here in my blog, rest assured that I am not a lunatic.  Since my blog is actually losing it’s “humor” what better time it is to write about my “stupidity?” Right?

Everybody knows that I don’t drive. It is not a SHOCKER so please save yourself from having a heart attack. I either take the bus or subway train every single day to work or anywhere around the city. Riding the bus or subway train don’t really bother me what pisses me off is when people tend to be so nosy that they need for me to explain to them why I am not a “driver” nor own a car. To me, that is not your business!  But holy mother of goose! Some people don’t get it!

Anyway, this one happened to me a year ago or so.  I just got out of the train on a typical Monday morning…busy, crowded and people are just going about their business. I on the other hand were on my way out of the Blue Line Monroe station when suddenly an old man just cut me off from my line, then stood in front of me…on the escalator and I just ignored him. Well, that was my plan anyway: TO IGNORE HIM.  Pow! That was a HUGE mistake on my part. You see, after a few seconds standing behind him on  the escalator he just totally passed out gas…as in he FARTED on my face! Not once but TWICE! I guess I was so shocked that it left me speechless! I could not utter a  single word or react to what just happened! I mean, what can I say when someone just farted on my face? Twice! Besides, how can I be rude to a senior citizen anyway? Yelling to everyone behind me that I just got farted on would be another mistake! Some might think I am delusional but am not! It was stupid and yucky!

When I told my friends what happened to me they just started laughing their a** off! Ha ha ha! Bulls eye! And yes, I forgot to mention that it was very, very stinky!

Reasons why I blog…hmm..is there?

Reasons Why I Blog

There is no doubt in my inquisitive mind that I am now becoming a blog addict. I started writing diaries during my freshman year in high school and what started as simple writings about “boys of my dreams” evolved into something deeper throughout my adolescence and abnormal maturity. Back then, I didn’t have access to the world wide web nor am I aware it even existed. Words like cyberspace, internet, ISPs, emoticons, email, E-bay, and blogging sounded strange to me. Well, not anymore.

Blogosphere reminds me of my inner-childish-self. Who would have thought that by writing my thoughts and having my own online diary would help me grow as an individual? I could write endless and numerous reasons why I blog and people will even get tired of me blabbing nonsense. I don’t really want to bore you to death and I certainly don’t want you to die from boredom so relax, be merry, have fun and read on…

    1) Blogging has become my stress reliever. After a stressful day at work who wouldn’t want to blog?

    2) Blogging is sharing. Sound familiar? You bet! Through blogging I can just randomly write about ANYTHING on my mind, share my views on broad and sensitive subjects (like porn? Hehehe), what I agree and not agree on.

    3) Blogging holds freedom of speech for anyone, everyone regardless of sex, race, status etc. Blogging is another way for me to let you know that I am also a sucker like you.

    4) Blogging is also an additional alternative for me to absorb new things from fellow bloggers, wackos, and nerds alike. It’s fun and exciting to read entries from bloggers who are just “world wide web apart.”

The world probably know now that I simply blog for fun. I blog mostly about my dysfunctional self, my misadventures, my frustrations, my never-ending quest for knowledge and fountain of youth, my insecurities, and of course, the missing link: LOVE LIFE (lol). Whatever reasons I may have forgot to include in this post, I sure hope you enjoy reading and continue blogging.

Kikay Moment

Traveling on a train last night from work, I had some sort of a very funny moment. Rush hour @ 5:30 pm usually brings out a crowd of people. I don’t mind using public transportation since I don’t drive a car. Riding buses and subway trains are way much cheaper than purchasing gasoline almost every week. Besides, I like observing people. I know am weird but I find it really fascinating to watch people go about with their lives and yeah, kinda stressful too (sometimes). Anyway, there’s a bunch of construction projects going on the Brown Line train station so I’ll never really know when those “quirky, silly, sometimes-humor-me-situation happen. I may sound whiny but hey, I am just human and I have feelings too (lol* that was unnecessary!). Hmm, well what can I say? Living here in the States taught me a lot of things about people, places, cultures and yes, Chicago is the best city in the world (yeah! Go Bears!).

On a frequent train ride, I would just usually ignore people, read a book and listen to my teeny-weeny “cell radio”. I love listening to B96 btw and DJ Flipside’s 5 pm Live Mix show surely rocks! Anyway, I don’t really like it when people talk so loud on their cellphone….ya know enough for everyone to hear their “private” conversations. There’s this guy behind me who keeps on blabbing nonstop about his sexcapades with god-knows-who and I just totally felt uncomfortable. I can’t help myself but listen because even though my headphones were totally blastin’ my ears, I could still hear the dude behind me. I know it’s rude for me to tell him to shut up so I just tried my best to ignore this puckwit.

But of course, I couldn’t! I can’t even concentrate on the book that I was reading. The hell with it! Suddenly, I heard the conductor announcing something and yeah, I really had to listen carefully and I got a little bit confused ‘coz I thought I heard him say the words “contraption and surgery.” And I was like, okay…what’s going on? Though I know that I am a little bit pissed with the dude behind me but I just have to confirm what I heard and so I asked him, “What did he say? I thought I heard him say “contraption” and “surgery”. The dude replied, “That’s what he said alright. Contraption and surgery.”

Upon learning that I didn’t misheard every word that the train conductor was sayin, I just started laughin. The dude behind me and I both realized what the conductor was trying to say, “Attention passengers, due to construction going on the Brown Line station and passenger surge during rush hour, please allow extra travel time!” Wtf?!? LoL!

That was lame, I know. I just thought I’d share 🙂

Bakit Single Status Mo?

Here’s another forwarded message I recently got from a stranger. I don’t know about you, but I can honestly relate with everything written here. Ok, let’s crack up…

11. Destiny Adik
Eto yung mga naghihintay kay “Destiny” na gumawa ng paraan para pagtagpuin sila ng kanilang mga “partner in life”.. ayannn… kakapanood nyo ng “Serendipity” eh feeling nyo ang nangyari sa movie eh mangyayari rin sa inyo… such a cliche.. hindi ba nyo alam na kung walang effort destiny is useless.

10. Perfectionist/ Mapili
Yes, isang taong perpeksiyonista. Yung tipong “dapat ganito ang magiging kapartner ko”. Pag may nakilala, nakita lang na pangit ang kuko o may dumi lang, turn-off na agad. O kaya ang daming ayaw. Ayaw sa mabait, boring daw, gusto bad boy/ pilya pero kapag pinaiyak ka tatanungin ka “bakit ang sama mo”, “bakit mo nagawa yun!”… Adik ka ba?!… Ayaw sa cute, ayaw din naman sa panget. Meron dyan gusto ka ayaw mo naman.. yung gusto mo halos magtambling ka pero deadma pa rin yang stunts mo sa kanya! Pasaway ka rin e! Ano ba talaga kuya?

9. Busy Busyhan
Opo, eto yung ang mundo e gumagalaw lang sa libro at ballpen kung estudyante ka o kaya naman sa computer at files kung office staff ka. Yung tipong aalis ng bahay ng alas 6 o alas 7 ng umaga at uuwi ng bahay ng 6 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi [baligtad naman para sa mga nag tratrabaho sa call center]. Sabay tulog na. Kapag sabado masaya na sila sa tv, sa pagkain na niluluto ni mama at sa linggo naman sisimba at maghahanda na ng kelangan para sa lunes hanggang byernes. Pssssst.. pause for a while naman!

8. Friendship Theory
Ano naman ito?… Eto yung ang buhay ay kay bestfriend o kaya kay special friend, na hindi masabi-sabi sa friendship nya sa loob ng kanilang mahabang panahon na pagsasama, dahil baka daw maapektuhan ang pakikipagkaibigan at iwasan sya. Yung tipong pag may kasama si friendship na iba, nagseselos na wala naman sa lugar, pero syempre wag pahalata, kunyari happy sya for friendship. ABA! Oi! Lakasan mo ang loob mo at baka mamaya forever mong pagsisihan yan, kaw rin!… Minsan pa naman pareho pala kayong naghihintayan. . hmmp!

7. Born-to-be-one (Autistic)
Eto yung nasa palad na ang pagiging single daw. Walang reasons. Basta lang nabuhay sya sa mundo na mag-isa at feeling nya mamamatay sya sa mundong mag-isa. Kesyo magmamadre o magpapari na lang… Asa kang tatanggapin ka pa noh!

6. Happy-go-lucky
Eto yung taong walang alam kundi kasiyahan at trippings. Kahit sino na lang basta no string attached. For fun lang daw… Walang halong seryosohan. ABA hoy! Yang init ng katawan mo e ikiskis mo na lang sa pader. Makakahanap ka rin ng katapat mo!!!

5. Wrong Place
May nakaranas na ba nito? Yung pakiramdam mo nasa ibang mundo ka. Yung ang nakakaharap mo e yung mga hindi mo gusto, yung mga hindi mo hinahanap. Alam mo yun? Halimbawa nasa ibang bansa ka, pero ang hinahanap mo e yung amoy ng nasa sariling bayan mo. O kaya naman e nasa sarili mong bayan ka, nasa normal na lipunan, pero ikaw ang abnormal at hindi mo kayang sabihin na abnormal din ang hanap mo kung ayaw mong ibitin ka nila ng patiwarik.

4. Wrong Time
Eto yung mga tao na sinasabi na “hindi pa ako ready e, bata pa kasi ako” o kaya naman “hindi pa ako handa sa panahong ito”, “wala pa ako kayang ipagmalaki”. Yes meron pong ganyan. Yung feeling nila may tamang panahon para sa love. Awwwwwww!… Aba kelan yun?!… Pag uugod-ugod ka na at yung time mo e bitin na? O baka naman pag pang-out of time ka na? Oist, sugod lang ng sugod!

3. Si Parents kasi…
Yes, factor din ang komyunidad na ginagalawan mo. Una, ayaw pa ni mader o pader na magkaron ka kahit 22 anyos ka na at kelangan umabot ka muna raw ng 40 bago magkaroon ng gf/bf. O kaya naman ikaw mismo! Takot sa sasabihin ni parents at ni kapitbahay na tsismosa sa magiging kasama mo. Aba ikaw na nga ba ang sabihan na “Alam mo hindi kayo bagay. Langit at lupa kayo.” Awwwww!… Payo ko sayo, “Pakialam nila diba?… Palibhasa inggit!”

2. Traumatic Experience
Eto kalimitan ang reason ng marami. “Ayaw kona!!! Takot na ako mangyari pa ang nangyari dati!”… O diba, ang drama ng layp?… Yes, tama ka. Eto yung dahil sa past relationship mo, e until now aayaw mo nang magkaroon at sinumpa mo na ata ang magmahal. Dahil sa pinagpalit ka sa mas pangit, o kaya naman iniwan ka ng walang word na bye-bye, o dahil binugbog ka!, anopa ba?… Madami yan wag na nating isa- isahin at baka tumulo si tears, heheh… Gayunpaman, eto lang masasabi ko mga hija at hijo… Ibat-iba ang lasa ng pag-ibig. May mapait, may mapakla, may matamis at may maasim. Aba, mapalad ka at natikman mo ang ibat- ibang lasa nito! Kaya ikaw, “Do not be afraid to fall in love again… malay mo, sweetiness na ang malasahan mo next time.! E di panalo ka sa lotto! Yan ang nagpapalakas sayo… Yan ang bumubuhay sayo… ang pag-ibig. Tsk! Drama!

1. EX to the Nth power
Oi, aminin!!! LOVE pa rin si Ex kahit 1 or 2 yrs na ang nakakalipas. May ganito naman. Yung tipong ilang taon na ang nakakalipas, hindi pa rin makalimutan si ex. Yung pinagsamahan, yung tawanan, yung iyakan, at lahat ng nangyari sa inyo nung kayo pa. Malungkot man at sa kung anumang kadahilanan, maganda man o masama ito, kelangan nyo ng magpaalam sa isa’t-isa… YES, after a year sasabihin natin, “I’m over him/her na.”, pero pag-usapan natin ang love at ang nangyari sa ating relastionship from the past, TADANNNNNNNNNNNNN, eto na, sya agad ang naalala mo. At habang nagkukwento ka OUCH! may kirot, o kaya may ngiti at may bumabagabag sa iyong kalooban. Ano kaya yun?!… AMININ mo na kasi, MAHAL mo pa siEX… Isa lang ang masasabi ko, well, mahirap sya kalimutan alam ko yan, pero open your heart and makipagdate ka, lumabas ka, at try to entertain someone. Wag mo ikumpara si ex sa iba. At give urself a KITKAT, take a break.

 

Love Story

I totally *krak ap* when I got this email from a fellow online chatter. This is a “made up” love story about a certain someone (I think she’s a bit of a mental in and out…) Read on….

My Love Story

by

Roachy

We’ ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it’s only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast.  Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me.  He said, “I hope you don’t mine. Can I get your number?” Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn’t give it back? He explained naman na it’s so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i’m wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears. Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we’ll go ouch na rin.  Now, we’re so in love.  Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I’m 33 na and I’m running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. “Will you marriage me?” I’m in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it’s four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor. Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, “Well, well, well. Look do we have here.” What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn’t want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don’t want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, “please, mine you own business!” Who would believe her anyway? Dahil it’s not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I’m so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He’s so supportive. Sabi niya, “Look at is this way. She’s our of our lives.”Kaya advise ko sa inyo – take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we’ll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second the emotion…..

 

Laughter is the best Medicine

An insurance agent who was talking to a prospective client at her home pointed to an exquisite vase on the sideboard and asked, “Do you keep anything in it?”

“Yes, my husband’s ashes,” came the reply.

“I am sorry,” apologized the agent, “I did not know he was deceased.”

“He isn’t–he is just too lazy to hunt for an ashtray.”

The phone was ringing. I picked it up and said,”Who’s speaking please?” And a voice said,”You are.”

*20 Great Philosophical Statements*

1.  A miss is as good as a Mr.

2.  Better to be safe than punch a 5th grader.

3.  When the blind lead the blind….get out of the way.

4.  Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and you have to blow your nose.

5.  Strike while the bug is close.

6.  It’s always darkest before daylight savings time.

7.  Never underestimate the power of termites.

8.  Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty.

9.  No news is impossible.

10. None are so blind as Helen Keller.

11. You can’t teach an old dog.

12. Love all, trust….me.

13. An idle mind is the way to relax.

14. Where there is smoke, there’s…..pollution.

15. Happy is the bride who gets all the presents.

16. If you lie down with dogs, you will stink in the morning.

17. A penny saved is not much.

18. Two is company, three’s the Musketeers.

19. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.

20. If at first you don’t succeed get new batteries.

Source: The Joke Book