I can no longer remember the first time I ever cried over a boy. It seems funny now to think about someone I was once familiar with yet I am aware  of the reality that he can never be mine. It may sound selfish and self-centered but I still want to feel the feelings of having a teenage love. As I try to look back and even if I try, I know deep in my heart that I can never turn back the clock nor remain in the past. Falling in love is not a strange occurence during my teenage years. I’ve had my share of happiness, tears and heartbreaks.

The harsh reality of teenage love began when I was in 6th grade. One of my bestfriends held the same infatuation for the boy that I liked. I was never aware of the pain that I will be going through. I think, I was just being naive and foolish back then. I knew from the start that it would take a hundred years for him to like me. But still, I’ve fantasized about me and him being in love. It’s silly because I never had the chance to tell him how I feel. I found out he likes my bestfriend. I don’t remember the kind of relationship they had but I woke up one day and learned that he left and moved to another city.

I remained friends with my bestfriend until high school. I left my hometown when I started college. From then on, everything seems blurry. I never had the chance again to see my bestfriend and the rest of my childhood friends. I guess, we just moved on with our lives and never look back. It’s quite painful to even think about the past. This is just me being emo. It’s quite nostalgic to remember what happened in the past.

If only I could turn back time, I would’ve written a diary of what was happening before me. I regret not having a journal. Ahhh, perhaps it is never too late to start keeping a journal?

Heck, I am just being stupid….