An insurance agent who was talking to a prospective client at her home pointed to an exquisite vase on the sideboard and asked, “Do you keep anything in it?”
“Yes, my husband’s ashes,” came the reply.
“I am sorry,” apologized the agent, “I did not know he was deceased.”
“He isn’t–he is just too lazy to hunt for an ashtray.”
The phone was ringing. I picked it up and said,”Who’s speaking please?” And a voice said,”You are.”
*20 Great Philosophical Statements*
1. A miss is as good as a Mr.
2. Better to be safe than punch a 5th grader.
3. When the blind lead the blind….get out of the way.
4. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and you have to blow your nose.
5. Strike while the bug is close.
6. It’s always darkest before daylight savings time.
7. Never underestimate the power of termites.
8. Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty.
9. No news is impossible.
10. None are so blind as Helen Keller.
11. You can’t teach an old dog.
12. Love all, trust….me.
13. An idle mind is the way to relax.
14. Where there is smoke, there’s…..pollution.
15. Happy is the bride who gets all the presents.
16. If you lie down with dogs, you will stink in the morning.
17. A penny saved is not much.
18. Two is company, three’s the Musketeers.
19. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
20. If at first you don’t succeed get new batteries.
Source: The Joke Book