Broken rose

I remember the day I made my Mom cry. I am not a hostile person and I don’t harbor ill feelings towards anyone especially my family…or Mom. Vivid memories of my childhood no matter how happy or tragic it was, still haunt me like it only happened yesterday.

I don’t recall of ever saying how much I love my Mom. In fact, I grew up with a lot of insecurities, being rejected openly is the key to my aloofness when I was growing up. Being alone most of the time made me feel complete and happy somehow. I think my cousins think I am some kind of a nut case back then though they never said a word, actions speak louder than words.

Waking up in the morning and eating breakfasts together with my family is one of the most exciting part of childhoold. I would openly sit in the corner with Juki, our family dog, and eat voraciously. Though I would rather stay that way, me being oblivious with all the hooplah and endless chatter from my family, Mom would always look at me and not say a word about the situation.

I would often locked myself in my bedroom, listen in the radio, read a book and just be myself. I was a loner. I am still a loner. If you ask me now if I would do the same thing I did back then, I would honestly admit that no, I wouldn’t dare do the same thing again. I love being with people, all the people that love and care for me, I wouldn’t even trade them for any thing in this world.

I remember the morning I made my Mom cry. I couldn’t get up. My body ached horribly. I complained of having a terrible headache. I thought I would die right there and then. I was sick for months. My Mom patiently cared for me and though she never utter a single word of how I felt like I was some kind of a burden to her, I know that she love me. During those days, I would pretend that I was sleeping and I would hear my Mom sing a childhood lullaby. Mom never tried to finish the song. Her singing is often replaced by silent sobbing. Hearing my Mom cry for me is the most unforgivable and unforgettable thing that ever happened in my life. It hurt like my heart is being cut into a thousand pieces and never be in one piece again.

How could I hurt my Mom like that? Why did I let my Mom suffer so much? Those are questions that I still ask myself after so many years. I considered myself a broken rose then. As I recall of the past, I am glad I have Mom in my life. I know for sure without any doubt that my Mom will never read this (she’s not into computers…:) ), let me at least dedicate this open letter for her.

It’s a simple yet powerful message for you, Mom….Arigato gozaimashite. Okasa, I love you.

Facts About Men

A Few Facts About Men

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved. 2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

4. Men are very confident people. Guys are so confident that when they watch sports on television, they think that if they concentrate they can help their team.

5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

9. All men hate to hear “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I’ve never seen a man walk into a party and say “Oh, my God, I’m so embarrassed; get me out of here. There’s another man wearing a black tuxedo.”

14. Most men hate to shop. That’s why the men’s department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

16. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

17. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

18. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

19. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

20. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

21. Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?” Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?”

22. If a man says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t, he didn’t forget… he didn’t lose your number… he didn’t die. He just didn’t want to call you.

23. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you… I want to marry you… I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid marks.

24. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

25. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

26. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.
 

Source: Davesdaily.com

Where art thou Britney Spears?

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Okay..okay…I am guilty. I used to like Britney Spears. I like her music (who could ever forget ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ or Oppss..I Did It Again?…certainly NOT moi!). I bought a few of her albums and downloaded some of her songs illegally from the Internet. I fell in love with her “innocent” image years ago.

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So..what ever happened to you Britney? Honestly, her VMA performance was a huge and total disappointment. I thought she would pull it through but it looked like she didn’t wanna be there. Her performance used to electrify the stage and the fans would go mad about her but her recent stage stint is somehow “lifeless”.

People ridiculed Britney’s performance, her weight, her outfit, and her kids. I don’t think Britney’s fat but her outfit…she could’ve worn something that would flatter her figure. Yeah, she got 2 kids now but hey, she look fab for a woman with 2 kids!

By the way, I like her new song”Gimme Gimme More.” I wish Britney goodluck and hopefully, she’ll make a succesful comeback in the music biz!

Amen…

Am I such a bookie?

If you are one of my closest friends, you would surely know that I have a certain affinity for books. I love reading so much. My mind is in constant ripple of chaos if I don’t get a hand on any kind of book. I am not sure why but I feel agitated if I am not reading any book. In fact, I bring 3 different books in my backpack everyday (be it a hardcover or paperback!). My room is loaded with books, magazines, and crumpled paper. They call me a ‘junkie’ at home and though I am not proud of my namesake, I somehow feel glad that I am a junkie.

I am almost done reading PREP (by Curtis Sittenfeld) and there are 4 more books lined up for me to read next: Running With Scissors, Water For Elephants, How To Be Good and A Thousand Splendid Suns. I am hoping that I will soon finish reading all of them as I have yet to read another recommended book by a friend titled “Criss Cross”. I am curious about what the book is all about but I am not  going to search anything about it in the internet. I hate spoilers. I love to read irony…lots of irony, in fact.

My favorite authors so far are: JK Rowling, Sophie Kinsella, Curtis Sittenfeld, Kurt Vonnegut, Dan Brown, Nick Hornby, David Sedaris, and Jodi Picoult. I also love the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Jane Austen, Agatha Christie, John Steinbeck, Joseph Heller, Willa Cather et al…

Well, anywho…I better start reading again.

PS:

Thanks for visiting my blog!

Self Quizzie

1. What’s your middle name?
Ann according to my birth certificate though I never use my middle name.
2. Where were you born?
Quezon City, Manila
3. Where have you lived and where do you live now?
For most part of my childhood, I lived in the province of Bicol with my grandparents. I’ve spent 6 ½ years in Manila but my parents decided to moved in Bicol when I started 1st grade until high school. I’ve moved to Manila again for college and stayed there for almost 2 years. I now live in Chicago for almost 11 years. I would probably live in Mars 600 years from now 🙂
4. What do you do for work? Are you in your desired profession or are you working toward something else (what?)?
Right now, I work full time in a financial institution in downtown Chicago. I prefer to work as an environmentalist or something to do with animals (zoo perhaps?) . When I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer and a teacher but I realized that I don’t really have the patience to teach children. I am pursuing a career in IT business.
5. Do you collect anything? (If so, what?)
Yes, I am a junkie. I collect basically anything I like. I collect: used stamps, foreign coins, books, manga (Japanese comics), stationery, postcards and newspaper clippings.
6. Do you have a particular affinity for anything?
Animals especially dogs, cats and birds (I am a proud parent of 6 cockatiel birds! Yeah!), green tea, books, coffee, shopping (?).
7. What’s your view on religion and/or spirituality? I believe in God and though I am not really spiritual, someday I know He will come.

Growing up (childhood/teenage years):

1. What is your most vivid memory?
The first thing that come to mind is…jogging on the weekends with my parents & siblings. A day in the park, a picnic with my cousins, and hiking with my friends. Also, my cousins and I would stay up late at night playing this game called “Patintero” and we used to have a bonfire and roast kamote or bananas. Gosh! I missed those days!
2. What is the most random memory you’ve recently remembered? I have this grade school classmate who came to class (everyday!) with a huge booger on her nose, a breath like a rotten veggie…

3. What was your favorite toy (one for all of your different ‘phases’ is okay)?
Barbie doll! Nah, I never own one. I love yo-yo.
4. What was your favorite book? Did you read it again as an adult? How did your perception of the book change, or did it?  Growing up in the city with a lot of different things around me to pass by the time, reading books is not my priority. I remember that I used to watch all the crappy shows all day long on weekends and I sort of liked the idea of wasting my time. My Dad used to complain then why I keep on watching television. I kind of admire my Dad how he had so much fun reading books by George Eliot, Mark Twain, Shakespeare, Ernest Hemingway and Pearl Buck. One day, as I was rummaging through my Dad’s books, I found this book “The Gift of Acabar” by Og Mandino and as I leaf from pages to pages, it gave me the energy and curiosity to read the book from page one to the last page. Later that night I asked my Dad that I went through his stuff earlier and I innocently confessed to him that I like reading the Gift of Acabar. The book gave me new perspective about certain things in life and later that week, I received a present from my Dad. It’s my very own copy of The Gift of Acabar he bought on the way home from work. I was so happy I could cry. I re-read the story so many times in my life and I am glad that my Dad didn’t gave up on me J

5. Were you indoors or outdoors more often? I like being outdoors especially during spring, summer and fall seasons. I prefer to stay indoors on winter as I can’t barely stand the frigid and freezing weather here in Chicago.
6. What music did you listen to (again, by ‘phase’ is okay)?
Mostly 80’s & early 90s music especially new wave and emotional ballads from Whitney Houston, Dionne Warwick, Taylor Dayne etc. I listen to a variety of music like the Beatles, Guns n Roses, Bon Jovi, Metallica, Tears for Fears, Eva Cassidy, Corinne Bailey Rae, Enigma, Nat King Cole, Josh Kelley, Jason Mraz and Japanese/Korean music.
7. Were you radically different as a teenager than you are now? If so, how? Not sure about radically different but I think I am more self confident, mature, and open-minded now compared when I was a teenager. Through the years, I learned to be more open-minded about the views and opinions from other people and not being critical on certain issues.
8. Given the choice, would you have preferred video games, board games, or the arcade?
Well, this is a hard one. I am not a video or arcade games fan but I can certainly assure you that I absolutely enjoy playing board games! Scrabble, anyone?

Random Questions:

1. If you could be any superhero, who would you be and why?
Superhero? Let‘s see…I would really like to have Superman’s strength, Wolverine’s courage, Optimus Prime’s leadership and Wonder Woman’s beauty!
2. What’s your favorite color and why?
RED! I love RED! I just think it’s a happy color and they say that people who like red are passionate. So, I guess I am a passionate person J
3. What type of animal is your favorite? Why?
Domestically speaking, I like dogs. They are so cute and cuddly and they give you so much love without being prejudiced.
4. Not considering anything except looks (ignore gas mileage, cost, etc), what vehicle would be your next purchase? Hybrid car…environment wise!
5. Name three things you’re good at.
Cooking, shopping, and reading!
6. Name three hobbies that you’ve had in the past.
Collecting song hits even though I am not particularly musically inclined. I think, I’ve spent half of my allowance on song hits and my Mom used to complain about it.
7. What hobbies are you currently pursuing? Hmmm, crocheting or knitting. Nah, I am so bad with those so I’ll stick to reading and blogging.
8. What kinds of music do you listen to (no cop-outs on this question… I want specifics!)?
Neo soul/neo jazz, pop, world music, oldies…something that will relax and stimulates the mind.
9. Do you prefer movies or television? Why?
Movies because they are easier to watch. I mean, I don’t have to wait for another week to know what’s gonna be in store for the main characters in the TV shows.
10. What TV shows have you watched all episodes of? Smallville, I think.
11. What type of movie is your favorite and why? On this question, I’d like a description of the genre or style, not specific movies (but maybe as examples).
Probably chic flicks. Any movie with a good sense of humor, a little romance, adventure, mystery and a great story line will do.
12. How do you recharge when you’re physically and/or mentally worn out? Reading a good book with a cup of coffee next to me.
13. Tell me something I don’t know about you.

Do you really want to know? Call me…J

14. Tell me a strange habit that you have.
I prefer to remain silent about this as I am strange enough to write something strange about my strange habit.
15. Write a haiku.

I have to think about this one….

16. Describe your favorite article of clothing.

Cool, hippie and unique clothing style but not enough weirdness to it that people would think I am a Martian.
17. Describe your favorite used-item purchase (e.g. from a thrift store, resale shop, antique store, etc).
Prada purse! Bought it for 8 bucks and after I cleaned & shined it, looks more like worth a million bucks! J
18. What kinds of food are “comfort food” to you? Do you make it yourself?

Home cooked meals by Mom….feels more like home to me.
19. What makes you feel “old?” Does it worry you, or do you laugh about it?
Constant nagging from my siblings. They give me enough headaches and wrinkles. I don’t worry too much about my looks but I do think about how I would look like 25 years from now. Yeah, I imagine creepiness is not impossible.
20. Recommend three websites: one blog link, one serious link, and one humorous link.

Serious link: www.discoverychannel.com

Humorous link: www.blaugh.com Blog link: http://lllredlll.wordpress.com

How Daring Are You?

 Though they may not be daredevils in the strictest sense of the word, some people enjoy the public image associated with being adventurous. When we think of such types, certain characters come to mind, like Mario Andretti, speed car racer; Sir Richard Branson, Virgin Group CEO and hot air balloonist; and Robby Knievel, stunt motorcyclist. Studies show that daring persons often have more self-confidence and higher IQ levels than those who are more reluctant. But this is only part of the picture.

 At the Institute of Psychiatry at the University of London, H.J. Eysenck and S.G. Eysenck performed extensive research on adventuresome people. In their sample of 1,200 subjects they found that daredevils are more extraverted and impulsive on average, but that contrary to popular belief, their risk-taking is not necessary a sign of neurotic personality. The psychologists concluded that about one-half to two-thirds of our capacity for derring-do is probably inherited.

Test: How much of an Andretti or Knievel are you? The following quiz lists items similar to those presented by the Eysencks. Respond “True” or “False” to the items below to determine how daring you are.

1. When shopping, I usually stick to brands I am familiar with.

2. It upsets me when one of my friends is upset.

3. Unhappy people who feel sorry for themselves irritate me.

4. It is silly for people to cry out of happiness.

5. Many animal lovers are too concerned about the comfort and feelings of animals.

6. I feel better after having a few cocktails.

7. I would probably feel sympathetic to a stranger in a group.

8. Public displays of affection annoy me somewhat.

9. I would prefer a job that required travel and change to one that kept me at home most of the time.

10. I save money regularly.

Scoring: To tally your score, give yourself 1 point each response that matches yours.

#1 & 2: False #3 to 6: True #7: False #8 & 9: True #10: False

An average score on adventurousness falls between 4 & 6.

(My self verdict: I scored 6 out of ten questions and it’s true that I am an “average” type adventuresque person)

Sources: Big Book of Personality Tests by Dr. Salvatore V. Didato, Ph. D.